On 23rd July 2024 the College of Policing and National Police Chiefs’ Council published the first National Policing Statement 2024 about Violence Against Women and Girls.
The very first sentence in this significant report describes violence against women and girls (VAWG) – including domestic abuse – as having reached ‘epidemic levels’ in the UK. It refers to the data that informed the Statement as ‘staggering’. It goes on to say: “At least 1 in every 12 women will be victims of VAWG per year (2 million victims) and we expect the exact number to be higher”. One in twelve. It is time we heard their voices and challenged that reality. Here is one of those voices.
Shashi’s Story
“You may as well throw her in the well”
Questions raised like a whirlwind. Dark thoughts of living my life of being controlled by everyone in my life and marrying someone for the sake of family honour.
Who am I? I questioned my self over and over as I never had a choice or a voice. I started to believe that the day I would be free from everything was the time I took my last breath.
How could my mother wish upon me that I was never to be born?
I finally agreed for arranged marriage at the age of 17 thinking I would get out of the hell I was living but little did I know that it would be worse.
My Uncle had warned my mum saying “You may as well throw her in the well” rather than getting her married into that family.
My wedding went ahead, at 18 I was married. I wasn’t free, it felt like I was treated worse than a prisoner. 11 years of abuse in every way you could imagine. I finally plucked the courage to tell my mother I want to leave my husband. I was told no despite her seeing me black and blue. I was told what would the Asian community think and also reminded of family honour.
Remaining in the marriage was not worth living for, then I picked the courage to flee with my 2 children. Even knowing my decision to leave would impact the children and myself by my family disowning but I wanted to be free.
All I ever wanted was love and care that didn’t cost a single penny. Support of Women’s Aid made me empower myself and gave me hope that I could survive alone without abuse in my life.
My journey has been a roller-coaster but I can finally say I can breathe and I am free. I am confident and a strong woman who can share her own journey to support other victims of honour based abuse.
Now is a new chapter of my life filled with love, joy and freedom and I am proud to be working to support and empower other women who are survivors of Domestic Abuse and Honour Based Violence.
Shashi’s story highlights how vital it is to raise awareness and improve understanding of ‘Honour’ related violence – and why we welcome the positive steps taken in the government’s new guidlines.
See the full One in Twelve series here