On 23rd July 2024 the College of Policing and National Police Chiefs’ Council published the first National Policing Statement 2024 about Violence Against Women and Girls.
The very first sentence in this significant report describes violence against women and girls (VAWG) – including domestic abuse – as having reached ‘epidemic levels’ in the UK. It refers to the data that informed the Statement as ‘staggering’. It goes on to say: “At least 1 in every 12 women will be victims of VAWG per year (2 million victims) and we expect the exact number to be higher”. One in twelve. It is time we heard their voices and challenged that reality. Here is one of those voices.
Lori’s Story
“I can remember when I was 8 months’ pregnant and he was round at my house bullying me and I was trying to get him to leave and calling the Police at the same time – trying to keep safe and make sense on the phone. I think they thought I was just hysterical”.
During her relationship, Lori made numerous calls to the police regarding her ex-partner, but never felt that they really understood her desperation to keep herself – and her baby – safe from him. He could be so charming, but once he was under the influence of alcohol or drugs, then he was a different person. The problem was – nobody else got to see that side of him.
Often when in meetings with both parties present, he would twist the situation and purposefully trigger Lori in order to make it look like it was her that was the problem. He would insinuate that she had poor mental health, and he would lie to professionals about their child’s behaviour to make it seem as though all the problems were only happening when the child was with her – that her parenting was the issue.
Lori’s first social worker was fantastic. She really understood how manipulative her ex-partner could be and made sure that Lori knew her rights and had access to specialist support when she needed it. When the social worker left – she felt so alone and could not feel confident that anyone else understood what she was dealing with. It was only when his new partner started to report the same aggressive, threatening and controlling behaviour that the Police and other agencies realised she had been telling the truth all along.
Even then, she was left with very little support. Lori explains –
“The attitude was – well, you’re out of that relationship now. So you’re OK – we don’t see what’s the problem? It didn’t occur to anyone to ask me how I felt. No one took account of the fact that I had loved and trusted him. That we had a baby together – that my dream of us as a family had been shattered and I felt so let down – and so guilty that our child was caught up in all this when what they needed was a loving home. The trauma that I had been left with was somehow not important – I was expected to just ‘get on with it’.”
Lori found help and support from a local community organisation. She joined a group of women with similar experiences and found the understanding that she needed, and the opportunity to reflect on her experiences and gain a positive vision for the future for her and her child.
This case study was obtained through our Lived Experience Advisory Group (LEAG).