On 23rd July 2024 the College of Policing and National Police Chiefs’ Council published the first National Policing Statement 2024 about Violence Against Women and Girls.
The very first sentence in this significant report describes violence against women and girls (VAWG) – including domestic abuse – as having reached ‘epidemic levels’ in the UK. It refers to the data that informed the Statement as ‘staggering’. It goes on to say: “At least 1 in every 12 women will be victims of VAWG per year (2 million victims) and we expect the exact number to be higher”. One in twelve. It is time we heard their voices and challenged that reality. Here is one of those voices.
Ruby’s Story
Ruby entered service through the Penelope Project after reaching out to her unit welfare team to ask for help as she was suffering from domestic abuse perpetrated by her husband. Ruby has a spousal visa and is married to a commonwealth soldier.
Ruby disclosed to the welfare team she had no money to buy food, and could they help her? The welfare team who had all recently undertaken domestic abuse ambassador training picked up elements of abuse within her comments on her marriage and asked for consent to refer her to the Penelope Project. Ruby consented.
Ruby met with worker Sarah. Sarah found a safe location to meet with Ruby face-to-face to talk about Ruby’s recent experiences. Ruby shared that she had just given birth to her third child in four years, that her husband liked to keep her pregnant, but her third child had been born with slighter darker skin than her husband, and he had been causing arguments with her stating she had cheated on him, and the baby wasn’t his.
He had left her recovering from a C section on her own in an upstairs bedroom with no water or food, and she was having to complete the school runs with her injuries from birth to take her younger children to nursery. Ruby informed Sarah that her husband had refused to give her any money for food since the birth of her child, and he had pressurised her into ringing work to force her to go back to work within the next few weeks or she wouldn’t receive any further money from him.
Ruby stated she didn’t know how she would cope and who would look after her youngest, but he told her if she didn’t do this then he could get the army to evict her from the military accommodation. Ruby also stated how jealous and controlling her husband was. He had a door cam and would monitor her and there would be consequences if she spoke to delivery drivers or was a few minutes late back from the school run.
Sarah worked with Ruby to explore options and support. She helped Ruby identify the abuse and controlling behaviour occurring in her marriage. Because Ruby had no access to public funds, Sarah offered realistic options regarding what could happen to Ruby’s visa status and explained which agencies could support her in seeking alternative routes to remain in the country if she chose to flee and leave her husband.
Financial support was also offered in the forms of food bank parcels, and household support funds. The welfare officers were also able to help with military charity applications to gain finances for petrol money and clothes for the children.
Eventually with support and safe planning, Ruby left her husband and took her children to safety residing in out of area refuge. Ruby received a new residency card whilst she is seeking indefinite right to remain under the domestic violence clause and has a support worker to support with long-term actions such as tangible long-term housing, and therapeutic counselling support. The children are safe, settled, and happy. Ruby is starting her new life, and in her own words, feels free from her husband and no longer feels worthless and trapped.
See the full One in Twelve series here