On 23rd July 2024, the first National Policing Statement on Violence Against Women and Girls was published. The report highlights that at least 1 in 12 women will be victims of male violence each year, though the real number is likely higher. We are committed to ensuring this report – and the truths it reveals – are not forgotten.
After hearing Sue speak on BBC Radio 4’s Today programme about the early release of people convicted of domestic abuse offences, Christine got in touch to share her own experience.
Now 75, Christine experienced domestic abuse many years ago. She was stalked, her home was broken into and she endured serious physical violence and other frightening experiences.
“He would definitely have come to ‘get’ me”
My doctor asked me to bring charges for incidents involving cracked ribs and a swollen skull. At the time, I couldn’t dare do this. If I did have this man put away, he would definitely have come to ‘get’ me after his release and blame me for his imprisonment. He would have killed me. I am sure of that. He would not only have been incarcerated, but humiliated and disadvantaged by having a criminal record. He would never forgive that.
That fear was enough to stop me from reporting what had happened.
Looking back, I believe people who have this violent and damaged personality are not necessarily going to change simply because they are punished or given an opportunity to take part in counselling. The man I knew and partly lived with did go to an eminent psychiatrist. He would gleefully talk about how he had learned more from the group about how people behaved and why they were rightly experiencing violence. He could be charming and knew exactly how to appear compliant towards people in authority.
From my experience, I did not believe that prison counselling or another programme would have rehabilitated him. I feared he would simply have harboured resentment about the time he had been away and attacked, at the first opportunity, the person he blamed for putting him in that position.
The danger behind closed doors
Much more thought should be put into releasing people who have committed domestic abuse offences back into the community, particularly when they are being released earlier than expected. I worry about the opportunity this can give perpetrators to return to attacking women through coercive control as well as physical violence, often behind closed doors where other people cannot see what is happening.
People who have not experienced domestic abuse really do not understand it. They don’t understand the levels of duplicity on the part of the perpetrator, or the levels of fear and powerlessness experienced by victims. These people can make their way into women’s lives with charm, offering care and help, love and understanding at first. Then, once they have weakened or demolished the personality and confidence of their victim, the situation can become very different behind closed doors.
That was something I experienced myself.
Why reporting can feel impossible
The fear of what might happen after reporting can be overwhelming. For me, it wasn’t simply a question of whether I could get him convicted. I was thinking about what would happen afterwards. If he went to prison, I believed he would blame me for what had happened to him. I feared his resentment and what he might do when he was released.
That fear made reporting feel too dangerous.
I know that people who haven’t experienced domestic abuse might ask why someone didn’t simply go to the police. But when you are living through it, you are thinking about your immediate safety and survival. You are also dealing with someone who may be completely different behind closed doors from the person everyone else sees. He could appear charming. He could behave appropriately around people in authority. He knew how to present himself.
That made me question whether anyone would really understand what I had experienced.
Making victims’ voices heard
I heard Sue speak about the issue of early release, but I haven’t heard about a campaign where women are being encouraged to share their experiences and put their cases to those involved in making these decisions. Is there one?
Where should women send their experiences so that they can be heard? How do we get this across to those who are being asked to reconsider the release of people convicted of domestic abuse offences, particularly where early release is involved?
I know that people who have not lived through domestic abuse may struggle to understand why someone could be too frightened to report violence that has caused serious injuries. But that is part of the reality. The fear doesn’t necessarily end when the relationship does. For some victims, the fear of what an abuser might do next – including what might happen after reporting or imprisonment – can be a powerful part of the reason they feel unable to seek help.
I hope that by sharing my experience, I can help people understand that a victim’s decision not to report cannot simply be viewed as a failure to act.
Sometimes, it is a decision made from a place of profound fear.
And those experiences need to be heard.
If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic abuse, West Mercia Women’s Aid is here to help.
Find out more about our services here
See the full One in Twelve series here